Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Twilight - Thoughts of one who Hates the Sparklepyres II

One last thought on the book. The age thing. It's creepy. There's a psychological difference between a young person and an old person. I can't tell if Edward is actually mature or if he's frozen at teenage-hood.

So as I was watching the movie, I found myself complaining at the screen. Writing it down will prevent me from looking crazy, save for the fact that airing my thoughts to the internet at large will make me look slightly crazier. Hurray!
The book had a lot of dialogue pauses where the character would get appropriate teenage angst. In the movie, this is handled by the actors staring mournfully at each other. I bet I could condense this movie to an hour by removing mope-pauses.
In the book, the vampires are supposed to be movie star pretty. Since everyone is already movie star pretty, this is handled largely by using cues like, "dyed-blonde hair" and "fossilized in hair-gel."
I use about that much hair-gel. Clearly, I am movie-star pretty.
Oh, hey, there's Jacob Black. I didn't recognize him with a shirt on.
I'm glad they had the main villains kill some extras. In the book, the villains just appear from nowhere, and are quite polite, then suddenly the whole book is about them. The book doesn't narrate a single vampire throwdown. If they skip that in the movies, I'll claw my screen.
I'm still creeped out by the notion that Edward watches Bella while she sleeps for months, before they were actually dating even. Sure, she's clothed, but clothes shift in sleep and people scratch themselves. He didn't know she'd be okay with it when he did it. Bad sparklepyre.
Note to directors - people cannot crouch and hiss without looking ridiculous. Especially wearing designer clothing and baseball uniforms.
But hey! A villain! A chase! It's starting to feel like a movie about vampires.
Aw, Bella was just as much of a jerk towards her father in the movie as the book. I wonder if she'll actually make up with him or show more than two seconds of concern for him. In the book, she pretty much shat on him, emotionally, then gave him a big fat meh the rest of the book.
Movie climax was better, in that it occurred.

Twilight conclusion: The book was okay, but teenagers are not role models. The movie was interminable swill.

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